THE LAST
I saw you today
I always knew that I would
I just never knew it would be today
I had prepared myself with clever words I knew would impress you
Should this day ever come
But then I saw you
And I forgot everything
Not only the words
But even how to form the words
I forgot how to speak.
I forgot the way your eyes smiled at me
And how the sound of your voice put me at ease
I had forgotten how your smile gave me butterflies
And how your laughter made my heart warm
Seeing you today made me wonder why you ever left?
I can feel you looking into me
Searching inside of me for the girl you once knew
I don’t know that I am that girl any longer
Was I ever my true self when I was with you?
I think that girl shattered into a million pieces the night you left
As I was watched you drive away I felt everything inside of me break
A feeling I never knew possible
Like standing on the edge of losing yourself and there is nothing to keep you from falling
But as I stand here and I look at the guy I fell so completely in love with
I feel as though I don’t know you anymore
Have you changed for someone else?
Or were you someone else with me?
This saddens me beyond words
Beyond any sort of description
But as I stare up into your perfect blue eyes
My eyes are locked into yours
And it’s as though nothing has changed
Time has not passed
Words were not spoken
Tears were not cried
The last kiss was never the last
And I can still hear your heart beating as my head rests against your chest
I can feel the words forming as I am about to say, what I have waited much too long to say
And then it happens..
Her hand appears on your arm
As she gazes at me from behind you
A smile cast across her face
But not a friendly smile
One that speaks without words
One that says,
I won and you lost
I want to speak
But the words that were almost there are now gone
Gone forever
My throat is closing up and closing in
I glance back up at you
Your eyes are no longer perfect
But they are looking at me, just me.
We smile at each other with our eyes
And I want to grab your hands and kiss your lips
And tell you to come back
But I cannot
As my eyes drift downward toward her swollen belly
I feel a sharp pain in my side
The kind of pain that takes the breath right from you
Without any warning I am faced with this
A sort of realization I was never ready to discover
And then all of a sudden it’s right there in front of me
I want to look away
I should have looked away
Ages ago
But it’s too late now
There is nothing I can do
Not now.
Nothing I can ever say will bring you back
I suddenly realize with every fiber of my being
That you were never mine
And I was never yours
It hits me hard
So unbearably hard
I realize it’s forever
You and her
And you and I
Will never be again.
Ever.
And then I feel it ..
One. Last. Time.
Breaking.
B r o k e n.
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