She is My Grandma

I wrote this for my Best Friend whose Grandma just recently passed away.
I wanted to give her something special because sometimes the hardest part is not knowing what to say. But I knew I could tell her, if I wrote it down. She is practically my family and I love her very much <3

A Woman, A Mother, A Wife and a Friend
But to me,
She is my Grandma.
Her words, Her presence, Her laughter and Her touch
All of which are unique to her,
As she is my Grandma.
A Woman of character, strength and courage
Admired by All, especially by me
For she is my Grandma.
A Woman full of life, love and happiness
Most spend their lives trying to attain
But she had it all
She is my Grandma.
A Woman of so much beauty both inside and out
That words just cannot capture
She is my Grandma.
My life and the lives of my family
We are, who we are because of her
She is my Grandma.
She may not be with us any longer,
But her spirit and her zest for life will remain in our fondest memories forever.
And in my heart,
She will always be.

Never Fade Away

It's hard to admit how it ends and begins.
It's hard to recall how we got here
and even harder to remember where we came from.
There is nothing wrong with saying you don't remember.
But there is, with denying it ever happening at all.
It was once such a distant memory.
But now there is nothing I could possibly forget.
Your face and your words
They've made an imprint in my memory.
Making forgetting you impossible.
Everything about you.
We can't go back.
We can never try to change what happened.
It's there in the past
and we're here, in the future.
So we'll go with what we know.
We'll go with what we can remember.
Just to see where that road might take us.
If I had the will..
I would cut you out completely because my better judgement would tell me so.
If I had my way..
I would never let you go because my heart, simply wouldn't allow it.

Adam

I remember it was grade three. Miss Paris' class. He sat across from me. He was funny and he was cute. I had a little crush on him. He had the most beautiful sandy brown, curly hair I had ever seen. Big loose curls. He used to twirl his pencil in his curls before Miss Paris would ask him to stop and get back to work. He had a big smile. A smile that made you smile if he looked your way. It was big and bright. He was not loud. He was quieter and I liked that. He fascinated me.

It was almost Christmas. The time where you go and visit Santa and tell him all about how you have been a good little boy or girl and what present you wanted him to bring you this year. It was Friday and Adam's Dad took him and another little boy to go see Santa. On Monday, Adam was not sitting across from me. He was not twirling his pencil around in his big loose curls. Adam was not there at all. He was not there the next day or the day after that. Adam had been on his way to visit Santa when his Dad hit a patch of black ice. The car spun out of control and went off the road. Adam died instantly along with his friend. But his Dad survived. When I heard this, I did not know what to think. Did this mean I would never see Adam again?

I held my Mom's hand tightly the day I went to say goodbye to Adam. I remember adults reaching down and hugging me. Through their tears they thanked me for being there and told me how happy Adam would be, knowing I was there. I cried too. I was still trying to comprehend all of this. But I cried because the one thing I did know was that I could not see him smile anymore. My Mom told me that God needed a special angel just like Adam in heaven. That was why he had to go.

I missed Adam. I missed him a lot that year. His seat across from me remained empty and I would look at it everyday. Hoping that maybe, he would come back and twirl his pencil in his big brown curls. Or look at me with his big smile and make me smile too. I have never forgotten my dear friend Adam who left this world way too soon. I have not forgotten him even to this day, almost fourteen years later.

Your Eyes

your eyes are gentle.
your eyes are blue.
your eyes are soft
They're my window into you.

your eyes tell a story.
your eyes have made me cry.
your eyes are my sense of security
They would never lie.

your eyes have made me melt.
your eyes have made me smile.
your eyes stole my heart
But they haven't looked into mine in a while.

your eyes have been surprised.
your eyes have shed tears.
your eyes have been disapproving
But they took away all my fears.

your eyes have made me wonder
your eyes have led me here
your eyes are filled with memories
I want to never forget them...

for thats my biggest fear.

I'm always wishing too late

I can feel the lump forming in my throat
As I try to choke back the tears.
But they are there.
Welling up and burning my eyes.
This old familiar feeling.
I know it too well.
I want to turn away
But instead I sit quietly and listen.
Listen to every word you have to say.
I want to hide from the anger and the sadness I can feel boiling up inside me.
But instead, I push everything down.
I listen..
You say..
It isn't you.
It's me.
You say..
It just isn't working anymore.
You say..
We've grown apart.
You say..
That even if you had never met her, all of this was bound to happen.
You say..
We just aren't the same two people we once were.
You say..
You still love me and always will.
So this is how it ends.
These are the final words used to bring this all to a close.
There is no dramatic music or applause or standing ovation.
It just is, what it is.
This isn't how I saw this happening.
But then again, I never really saw this happening.
I didn't think we could co-exist without being together.
If I could take it all back to make it so we never met at all
I wouldn't.
Not even for a moment.

Drowning

I'm drowning.
Drowning in a sea of confusion.
Nothing to keep me afloat.
Not even your words.
Your words have long faded out.
As I choke on the salty wet I wonder..
Where are you?
You are not here.
Were you ever really here?
Or was this all just a state of my own confusion?
Maybe I confused myself into thinking you wanted to be here.
When all along you wanted to be somewhere else.
We were sailing in the right direction...you and me.
But somewhere, somehow, along the way, our ship sailed off course.
Now I am lost at sea.
And you, you are not here.
Now I am drowning and I will never know...
How did you ever really feel about me?
Did you ever really want me?
Maybe it was just a state of your own confusion
and you used me to try and help make things clear?
I resent that.
I resent you for that and I never wanted to.
There is so much I want to say to you.
But my mouth is filling up with water..
This makes me realize that maybe my words for you, were never meant to escape my mouth.
It really is amazing the feelings you discover you possess when you think you might be losing someone...
When you might be losing yourself.
I will never understand why it all changed.
Why you left me here.
Drowning.