THE LAST

I saw you today

I always knew that I would

I just never knew it would be today

I had prepared myself with clever words I knew would impress you

Should this day ever come

But then I saw you

And I forgot everything

Not only the words

But even how to form the words

I forgot how to speak.

I forgot the way your eyes smiled at me

And how the sound of your voice put me at ease

I had forgotten how your smile gave me butterflies

And how your laughter made my heart warm

Seeing you today made me wonder why you ever left?

I can feel you looking into me

Searching inside of me for the girl you once knew

I don’t know that I am that girl any longer

Was I ever my true self when I was with you?

I think that girl shattered into a million pieces the night you left

As I was watched you drive away I felt everything inside of me break

A feeling I never knew possible

Like standing on the edge of losing yourself and there is nothing to keep you from falling

But as I stand here and I look at the guy I fell so completely in love with

I feel as though I don’t know you anymore

Have you changed for someone else?

Or were you someone else with me?

This saddens me beyond words

Beyond any sort of description

But as I stare up into your perfect blue eyes

My eyes are locked into yours

And it’s as though nothing has changed

Time has not passed

Words were not spoken

Tears were not cried

The last kiss was never the last

And I can still hear your heart beating as my head rests against your chest

I can feel the words forming as I am about to say, what I have waited much too long to say

And then it happens..

Her hand appears on your arm

As she gazes at me from behind you

A smile cast across her face

But not a friendly smile

One that speaks without words

One that says,

I won and you lost

I want to speak

But the words that were almost there are now gone

Gone forever

My throat is closing up and closing in

I glance back up at you

Your eyes are no longer perfect

But they are looking at me, just me.

We smile at each other with our eyes

And I want to grab your hands and kiss your lips

And tell you to come back

But I cannot

As my eyes drift downward toward her swollen belly

I feel a sharp pain in my side

The kind of pain that takes the breath right from you

Without any warning I am faced with this

A sort of realization I was never ready to discover

And then all of a sudden it’s right there in front of me

I want to look away

I should have looked away

Ages ago

But it’s too late now

There is nothing I can do

Not now.

Nothing I can ever say will bring you back

I suddenly realize with every fiber of my being

That you were never mine

And I was never yours

It hits me hard

So unbearably hard

I realize it’s forever

You and her

And you and I

Will never be again.

Ever.

And then I feel it ..

One. Last. Time.

Breaking.

B r o k e n.